The sadness of stones
by msarahv
Summary: A story of despair and hurt but also hope and acceptance for Will and Sonny. Warning : Angsty. Very.
1. Chapter 1

I was running down to the beach. All around me, the dark cliffs disappeared in the fog, white traps awaiting for a bad step, for despair.

I was running, and I didn't know where to go. My life was breaking like glass, pieces lying around and entering my feet.

I couldn't see. The tears were distorting the landscape and I felt weak and defeated. I had lost. I would never be a man. I would never be an adult. It was too hard.

I was running and I was alone. In the silence of the storm, the peace of the waves crashing the shore, the cold wind crashing against my chest, against my heart. But it couldn't break it, it was too late. I was lost. I had reached the end of all things. I slipped on the round seaweed-covered rocks, trembling and cursing.

I screamed to the sea that I hated it. That I hated her. She didn't want me anymore. She had turned her lovely back, shook her head, let her earrings chimes softly and said "No. You don't. It's not true."

I was empty and I was lost. I sat on the stony beach, shivering. There was nothing beyond. I hated him. I was alone.

I stayed in the cold, surrounded by the white of the clouds, drowning in their humidity, in the bitterness invading my lungs. I was crying and it felt right, I could cry all I wanted now, he wouldn't know. She wouldn't see. It was all in vain.

I was crying tears of blood that weren't. I was covered with salty water that came from my eyes and from the sea. It was raining, maybe.

I looked at the sea and it didn't care for me, it crashed and gurgled, and splashed incessantly. I was trembling and I needed help and I couldn't ask for it. I wanted to disappear in that whiteness, in that fury. I yelled until I was sore. Until I hurt so much, I wanted it to be over.

I looked at the cliffs above, so harsh and sloppy. Filled with holes to infinity. Would I have the courage to end it there? Should I walk up and run again and never stop?

I saw her face, so beautiful, so young and flawless, my everything.

I saw his eyes, dark and harsh, his hands on me, squeezing tight "No, don't be. You can't."

I had run from him and looked for her. I had hoped and yet I knew. I closed my fists and bent my forehead on my knees. In the dark, in the dusk, I murmured "Mom..."

* * *

I was running in the fog, inhaling the cold invigorating air. I was laughing. The thunder was growling all around, trying to frighten me and I faced it, feeling strong and new.

I had met many storms on many shores. I had been surrounded by lightning on the top of the world. I looked at the sky, at the waters, all filled with wild, rough, exuberant life and it felt good. I felt alive.

I wanted to run as fast as the wind, I wanted to jump from one cliff to the next and even fly. I wanted to feel that way forever, free and young and untamed.

Suddenly, the fog cleared and I saw him and I just stopped. Everything stopped. My legs. My eyes. My breath. My mind.

It all came into focus. Clear eyes, like the sea. Ruffled blond hair, like the dry grass on top the cliff, swept by the wind. In a flash, on a face, a despair, an emotion, raw and final. Blinded and goal-less. Like a frightened foal, a lost dog... but a young man. Looking so frail, the wind might swept him away. Away on the sea.

My mind started working again. I turned my head everywhere, looking for that vision, for that lost soul. But I couldn't see him. The wind was screaming with a human voice but it was an illusion. I ran on the edges of the cliffs, straining my eyes to see past the white mist.

I gave up. I walked back to the car, feeling I had failed, that I had betrayed a life. I reached the road and saw a huge car with a woman in it. She was crying. Her hair was blond and her eyes were the colors of dawn. Who had I seen? Her brother or her son?

* * *

The dark was fighting the fog, the black of a starless night. I stood up and gathered my strength. I sent them peaceful thoughts to deal with it. I sent him forgiveness. I pictured her and I ran.

"Stop!" The voice was sharp. It cut through my sadness, through my brain. My legs listened and tumbled. I started falling, like a pinball, bouncing on rocks, landing on bushes.

I felt a hand, dragging me up, pulling me back to the warmth, to a chest that pressed against mine. My shoulders were covered by a coat, with a care that I didn't hope for anymore. Strong arms pressing, gently. A whisper "Hold on."

I couldn't see anything and nor could he, but he led me. Out of the cliffs, far from the sea. On the path to my destiny, where she was waiting, her face set, her eyes like thunder. The real thunder had stopped. The wind was less strong. I didn't feel the cold anymore, I had been given warmth.

I borrowed courage too from this unknown savior, that was crying for me. I looked into her eyes and I said "Take me. As I am. I won't change. I don't want to die. I need you to take me back."

Her jaw was locked, her cheekbones sticking out. She didn't seem to know my life was in her hand.


	2. Chapter 2

"Please, Ma'am. Listen. He was jumping. I caught him but I'm not sure he won't go back. He's still there in his head."

"Sonny?" How does she know me? Who is she? Who is he? His heart is beating behind my hands and I can't move or it will fall and shatter. He's recoiling under me. I can't save him.

I look at the woman and she says "You look like Justin. We're headed to meet him at my mother's summer-house." "Marlena?" She's my mother's friend. We're about to celebrate the new year with her, and her daughter and son-in-law are coming. And her kids. I thought small children. Is he her son? He fits in my arms and I don't want to let him go.

He's still looking at her and she's still looking at me. I want her to stop. I want her to answer him.

"Yes, I'm Sonny. We are expecting you there. I came here to run before the night. Your mother is cooking and so is mine. Where is your husband? And your kids?" She puts her hand on the car hood. Her rings are making the metal vibrate and sing. She looks at me, with pleading eyes "Take care of him, please. I can't. I have to think."

And she goes back in her car. I'm shouting. He's yelling, well he's trying too. His voice is gone and I need him to calm down and follow me. "Come in my car. Your grandma's waiting for you. She'll help you." I look in his eyes and he looks like he's drowning. He's passing in my arms, this fragile soul and there's nothing I can do...

I carry him to my car and open the door. There it is. My flask. There's not much whiskey left. Alex has used the car this summer. I know it's there but I never touched it. I have a bad history with whiskey. When I was in Scotland...

No time to think about that. I open the lid and his mouth. His head jerks back and he fights me. That's good, he's coming back. I force him to drink all that's left. He's coughing and spitting. I have to struggle not to let him leap and run back.

* * *

She's left. There's nothing. I'm disappearing and he won't let me. He's fighting for me and he says her name again. Marlena. Will she manage? Will she replace her. Will she reach to him?

I'm feeling my body again, and the alcohol is burning my throat. I try and stop him and he's hurting me. Why won't he let go? Who is he?The car door is open, so there's light. He's got brown hair and he's Justin's son. I trust Justin. Can I trust him?

I stop moving and his hands are soft again. He's pushing me inside, on the seats. I'm getting them wet. I shouldn't. I try to get out and he doesn't let me go. Why? Doesn't he know that my heart hurts? That I can't live like that anymore? That I'm too weak?

He's driving and I'm falling asleep. Where will we go? Will I wake up? I need to drink more, I need to forget. I need my Mommy.

* * *

"Dad! You're there?" A tall man wearing a very classy suit comes at the door. "Oh, you must be Sonny. I'm EJ, Sami's husband. You haven't seen another car on the way? I'm very worried..."

He will do. I don't know whose side he's on. I don't know what's the problem. But I send him in and ask him to come back. When he does, we carry him. He's heavy. He can't be, he's too frail. He'll break soon. "Are you crying Sonny?" Am I? We've reached a couch. His grandmother is there. She's embracing him, whispering to him. I can't move.

"Sonny, I was getting worried! You see EJ, it's not that late. I'm sure Sami and Will will show up!"

He turns to my mom and points to the couch "Will is here and he looks broken. What happened?" Why is he asking her? Oh, he's talking to me. He sounds pissed. What can I say?

"I saw her. She drove in her car, I don't know where to. She didn't want to speak to Will. She looked angry and sad." EJ closes his eyes. My mom looks lost. I'm shivering.

The tub is small and old. It feels like heaven. I've been asked not to use too much water, Will will need it. But a little later. He's too cold now. The doctor on the phone said we must warm him up first. I come back in the room and he's still trembling. Marlena has her phone to her ear. She's nodding. I kneel down and take his socks off. Marlena frowns and tenses but then I take his feet in my hand and between my thigh, to warm them up slowly and she smiles.

The doctor says it's good, I have to go on. Bring him my own warmth, little by little. I cuddle against him, my stranger, my broken bird. His fingers are less cold now. Marlena goes in the back to prepare another bath.

EJ is talking on the phone. He sounds mighty pissed but he doesn't shout "He's your son Lucas! How could you reject him? He's between life and death now and it's your own damn fault." Then he pinches his lips as he listen to his cell. "I don't know where she is. She doesn't pick up... Yes, you do that... I'll give you updates on Will..."

Will is in the bath now. My mom has fixed me a snack and a hot chocolate. Marlena comes for a minute, to make coffee for him. "Marlena, do you know what happened? What are they all fighting about?" She turns to me "He's gay."

I look at Mom. We open our eyes in incomprehension. She loves me and so does Dad. They know it's a part of me and they think it's a good thing. They're proud. I'll protect him, I have too.


	3. Chapter 3

It's morning and the sun is barely visible outside. I'm sitting next to his bed. His face is almost transparent. His skin looks like thin silk paper. He's so beautiful, he must have been crafted. Or painted or sculpted. I brush his cheek. He doesn't wake up.

I know he's fine, the doctor said so. Yet I worry. I remember his strength when he wanted to jump, when he resisted. And his frailty when he was faced with living again. I whisper his name "Will..."

But he doesn't hear me.

* * *

I wake up and I don't know where I am. It's not my room. I turn my head and I recognize the window. I've been here before. In that bed. I move a little and it's hard because of the heap of covers and comforters I'm buried under. Are they trying to keep me prisoner? They don't need to. I won't run again. I'm not really better but I've be given love. By Marlena and by a stranger. I try and picture him. Or remember who he was. But my brain is weakened. I try and call but my voice is weak too. My body is failing me.

There's a hand and an arm. I look up. That's him. The stranger. Sonny. He knows everyone. He's here with me. I sigh and he turns from the window. It hurts to see his face.

* * *

He's up. He looks bad now. Tensed. His smile is fake. But he's awake. I smile too. "How are you Will?" He opens his mouth and then he closes it. Maybe he still hasn't got his voice back. Or maybe it's a difficult question.

He's sitting near the fire place. Marlena is nest to him with a book, one of her hand on his sleeve. I'm about to go grocery shopping. No news of Samantha yet. EJ has taken the children out. We are all lost. Dad has left to meet Lucas. He said he might be able to reach out to him as he has a gay son too.

I haven't gone near him since the morning. He just sits there, with empty eyes. We give him space. If I close my eyes, I still see him. As he was yesterday. All that went through these very eyes. The despair, the gratitude, the hurt, the hope. I want all of it back. I want to get to know him and I can't because he's an empty shell.

Mom looks at me as we go out. "You were really shaken. Your eyes don't sparkle anymore. My poor baby..." I don't need your compassion, Mom. He does. He's lost in a valley of shadows and we have to get him back. We have to get his parents here.

* * *

I look through the window. The horizon is pale blue above the sea line. It's quiet but it's not peaceful. It's empty. I'm empty. And I'm cold. There's a fire in the chimney. EJ has spent an hour to start it, so that I can sit by it. Why does he bother? He's got her. She loves him, but not me. He said things, he said it will get better. He means well. But his acceptance is not the same. He cannot wound me. He's not my Dad. My Dad has refused me the right to exist. Now I'm sitting, weak and empty and it's my fault. I shouldn't be like that. I should be happy and careless and preparing New Year's eve. I've failed them on and now everything is ruined.

* * *

I'm running again. The day is bright, the wind has stopped. I can see the landscape caressed by the light. The bushes were roughed up yesterday, but they're still there, survivors of all the passed storms, stubbornly living on the frontier between earth and sea.

My eyes are puffed, my arm aches from carrying him, but the fresh, pure air is filling my lungs again and I feel hopeful for Will. Even if I don't know how to reach to him.

The beach is different today. The water is clear and reflects the sun, the waves are lazy and quiet. I hop down the creak. Damn, those cliffs are high, what if he had fallen, what if I had failed? Just underneath his jumping point, the waters are rough, gurgling and splashing. I shiver.

I see her on the path, her eyes in the vague, her head bent down. She has trouble walking but I don't hold my hand. When I see her, I see him. She's so beautiful. He looks exactly like her. How could she reject him? My knees are weak. This could have been me there, running toward nothingness.

She passes by me, she's lost in her head. Should I leave her some space? It's very important that I do the right thing and I have no idea what it is. I could call Marlena or my father but what they do is crucial too. Will needs his grandmother next to him and focused and Justin needs to bring Lucas to reason.

So it's my lot. I call her "Sami!" but she doesn't hear. I follow her to that same spot. I keep going there. Where my life changed. Where I got saddled with someone else's life. And yet what I remember is not the cliff but when I first saw him running ahead, on the path, his energy, his essence, hitting me in the guts.

The stones on the beach are cold and sad. She's crying. Maybe, that's good. I can reach her. She doesn't know about me. I touch her shoulder and she jumps. "Oh, god! Oh, it's you... Oh my god, how is he?" She's full of energy too. A dark one. I can't do this. But I have to.


	4. Chapter 4

The house is made of dark wood. It's old and comfy. Marlena bought it with her husband before he left her. The façade is bare and intimidating but the inside is full of light and love. My façade is a smiling one and my inside is barren and cold.

She's arranging flowers. White ones. She's put the mistletoe on the chimney's shelf. She'll hang it later. She tells me everything she does to distract me. It doesn't work but it's helpful. I feel connected to life, by a shred. She knows it. She knows me and yet she's outside.

"Why didn't he wait? I told him to wait. So that I could be there with him." They're whispering very loudly, in the kitchen. I can hear every word. I agree. I should have waited. But Dad wanted to know and once I had told him and he couldn't deal, I needed to tell Mom, so that I could breathe again. Well...

The door creaks and I turn again. I turn each time and it's never him. Is he trying to avoid me? He's young and gorgeous and I'm bringing him down. But when he's there, I feel less weak. I borrowed his warmth and now we're linked. I'm alive through him.

It's not him.

* * *

EJ is at the door. Sami walks to him "Let's go. Where are the children?" "Go where?" "Away from here. Let him stay with Marlena. She'll be better at dealing with him than me, obviously..." EJ looks at me then back at her "The children aren't going anywhere without their big brother and neither am I. Will needs all the family he can around him after what happened. He's not my blood but I love him like a son and I won't let him sink. I'm disappointed in you, Sami, and afraid for the children we have together if you're ready to throw them under the train like that." She slaps him. I go inside.

He turns to me and once again the time is slowing down and I feel strangely calm and at peace. Yet I'm carrying bad news. And Marlena isn't there. I walk to him and kneel down. It's awkward to hug him now. Yet he was against my heart before, so trusting. I want to find that again. His blond hair caresses my cheek like the wing of a small bird. He's not crying and that's worse.

"I'm sorry." His posture changes. His chest sags. His arms are limb. He's a puppet and I can't find the strings. Ej comes in "Samantha has left, Will. She said she needs some time alone. I wish I could change her mind. Do you mind if your brother and sisters come to spend time with you or is it too much?" I don't think he's heard the last part. I hold him or he'll fall. I shook my head. EJ retreats.

Marlena is crying on her desk. Dad has called. He needs more time with Lucas. Mom sighs "And once again, Sami Brady spoils everyone's fun. I'm so sorry Sonny, I'm sure you didn't picture this vacation like that. Poor, Will... I'm really happy you're not like that, honey." "Like what?" "He lacks confidence in himself. With Sami as a mom, I get why. She's completely screwed him over. It's sad that someone so young gets cut off at the roots like that." "He's not dead, Mom. Who says he won't be able to reconstruct himself? They are plenty people who go through much worse and turn out fine." She looks doubtful. I go see the kids. They don't really understand. They want to see Will. "He's sleeping, guys. Maybe tonight?"

I like to look at him when he sleeps. He's like a kid himself. We take turns to sit next to him. We can't leave him unattended. I want to stay all the time but they won't let me.

When he's up again, I start talking to him about my travels. I tell him anecdotes and describe the places but it's difficult. It doesn't matter, he's an easy public. He really listens at least. He even asks questions. His voice is so soft. I wonder how it will sound when it's healed?

His touch is aerial. I want to kiss his hand. I want to sleep in his bed so that he feels protected. So that he stops trembling under the warm blanket I've wrapped around him. He's not fighting but he's so weak.

* * *

His voice is so nice. He's seen so much. I envy him. His parents, his freedom. He's sharing it, generously and I want more. I need a fountain of new life to drink from. He finishes and I look out the window. It's drizzling. It all grey and getting dark. I want my mommy back. I want her love, even if it's imperfect. I want her to give me back my reality. I want to exist, even as a shadow. I promise, I'll stay in a corner, I won't bother anyone. But I need myself back.

I hate myself for being weak. I hate that the only thing this man here sees is this emptiness. I want to flirt, I want to touch his shoulder. He's gotten up and his spot is still warm. It hurts to see him go.

I eat but the food has no taste. It's hard to swallow. I drink water to help and it makes me cough. Marlena looks at me with concern so I grin and it's worse.

I take warm bathes but I'm still tensed. I saw my brother and sisters tonight. They've all hugged me and I know what I need now. A massage. But not from grandma. From Sonny. And I don't dare ask him.


	5. Chapter 5

If I wasn't broken, would he still hug me? Would he look at me like that? His eyes are my life line. They're soft and warm like dark velour. He's hurting for me. I need his hand on my head, like he does sometimes. I need to feel his skin.

I touch his fingers and he doesn't move. He looks at me and I can see a question that he doesn't ask. "Can you...?" "Yes, Will?" ""No, nothing..."

* * *

I need to act. I can't let him slide away like that. I put my hand on his shoulder. He sighs. He's so tensed. Nothing helps. I press my thumb and circle my hand. The way he opens his eyes... He looks so afraid. I have to stop.

I put my hand down, I put my heart in a little inside box, tidily, so that it won't bleed at the sight of him. I want to save him. I need him to be better. He's taken me hostage with his fragile, wounded eyes.

What if it hadn't happen? What if I had met him in this house, all intact? If we could have stayed carefree and happy, would my soul moved when meeting him? Would have I gaped, would he have blushed? He's broken and I want him fixed.

His fingers are on mine "Sonny, please, can you do it again?" "Do what?" Whisper, whisper, don't frighten him, don't send the bird away with a loud voice... "Your hand, it was... I needed that..."

Slowly, slowly, don't scare him. He hides his eyes with relieved eyelids and I'm lost. I need their lights, the dreams they carry. There's a click. And another. Mom is coming with yarn and needles. I shoo her away. I don't want to answer to her frown, I have to do this. I feel her fight. She wants to be nice, she wants to help. But she senses I'm too much in. I'm falling down the cliff he didn't, to a sea of emotions.

* * *

How can I live anyway? How can I leave this place to nothing. They've disowned me. And the only thing that keeps me going, the one I cling too... He'll leave too. He has his own life, I'm nothing to him. He doesn't know his hand is the only one I can have on me. He doesn't know he's in my dreams, even when I don't sleep. My body betrays me. It should be for him to desire, I should be able to seduce him. How can I go on?

The clock is wrong, it's not that late. Where is everyone? Why am I alone? My cell is ringing. Maybe there'll be an explanation. "Will?" "Dad?"

"Will, I'm so sorry. I'm on my way, now. I'll take care of you, I promise. I take back everything. I'll make efforts, I swear."

The tears that the sea had stolen, they're back, now. I feel the wrong hand on my shoulder. I shiver. "Will, they're going out tonight. I'll stay with you." Go away, Adrienne, leave me be. My father will be there and I don't need you. He'll be there tomorrow, He said so. With Justin, and you'll be less angry at me. I push her hand, it is cold and limp. She doesn't fight. She's not like him. "Will, come on, make an effort... You need someone to look after you." I push again. My voice is strained, and I'm wailing. "Mom!" It's Sonny's voice. They're whispering. Loudly "Don't be so forceful, can't you see he needs us to be really soft? If he doesn't want you here, I'll stay with him." "No, Sonny, that's enough! You don't owe him anything. He's Marlena's grandson. Let her stay with him. You deserve to have fun!" She's taking him away. I won't sleep tonight until he comes to see me again. EJ is there too. "It's all right, Sonny, listen to your mother." "Excuse-me? I will do my own choice, thank you very much!"

He's so strong. I can't let him go. My dad will come and Sonny will leave. "Sonny, could you... stay?" "See? You guys all go out, I'll be at his side. Don't you event try to talk me out of it!"

The couch is big and I disappear in it. He's too far. There are inches, way too many. The massage was so good, that's why I fell asleep. But now, I want something else. I felt his heart against mine when we first came in. He held me and warmed me up, on this couch. My body is warm now. But my heart is cold.

His smile is a rose in my winter. I can't touch him but I can ask "Do you know why...?" His chin is a butterfly. He does know. "I am too, you know." I do know. The moment he first held me, I was sure.

I move a little. Is he poking me? It's a needle. His mother's. It's cold and pointy like her, underneath her smiles. He is not like her. He's kind and honest and he only smiles when he means it. My hand is heavy. My arm is a coward. He is the sun.


	6. Chapter 6

We're on the couch again and this time I can't take his feet between my thighs. I can't hold him tight and shield him with my chest and arms. I'm aching for not allowing myself to touch his skin. It's as pure as light milk.

"My Dad is coming tomorrow. He called." His voice is one of a child. I can't take advantage. I can't soil that skin. Those profound sea-colored eyes. I tap his knee "That's fantastic. I'm sure he'll come around. Many parents do. Whatever happens, I'll be there for you." I have forgotten to tap. My hand is flat on his leg. He doesn't flinch. His eyes are pure. I drown.

* * *

"Sonny?" "Yes?" His voice is a caress. "What do you like?" He takes his hand away. I shiver. He frowns and puts it back. "The mountains. The clear air and the sky. Climbing. Men..." He grins. I grin back, I try to. His hand goes from my thigh to my shoulder. "I like the way the light of the fire plays on blond hair." There's less distance now. His finger play with my locks. He's leaning. I can't breathe. I'm going to shatter in little pieces. I don't want to move, ever.

"Sonny, I had a nightmare! Where is daddy? Where's mommy?" He releases my arm, I want to shout. Not at Syd. She's a cutie. It's my fault Mom isn't there. I'll go away. Syd and Johnny, they need their mother. I'll go with Dad and we'll paste the pieces of us back.

Syd climbs on my lap "Dad says I must not bother you. Did I do something bad, are you angry at me?" She's a light in my tunnel. Sonny was touching me and she interrupted but I'm not mad. I feel tranquil. For the first time. She's frail in my arm and trustful. I'm still her brother, she still loves me. I look into her eyes and my heart is released of its prison.

"I'm not feeling well, sweetie. But it's not your fault, it's mine." "No!" We both turn to Sonny. His voice is rough. He is the one who is mad. Syd recoils.

* * *

"I'm sorry Syd, I didn't mean to startle you. It is not your fault, it really isn't. But it's not Will either. It is no one's fault. It's just a complicated situation." Syd looks like a doll but she's tougher than me. She sits on the couch and asks "You mean it's a grown-up thing that I can only understand later?" No. It's something none of the grown-ups involved can make sense of.

Sonny sighs. His face is always in movement. His emotions paint his face in all sort of shades and lights. "Actually, not. You see, your brother has discovered something about what he likes, what he is and it's new and frightening and you know how one acts weird, when they're scared?" "Oh, yeah! When Johnny sees a spider, he yells and runs everywhere!" ""And are you afraid of spiders?" "No. I think they're funny and I like when they walk on my hand, it tickles." "Well, the spider was born to be a spider, but some people are afraid of it, like Johnny, and other can accept it right away like you. In the same way, your mom is afraid of what Will is, even though it makes him sweet and funny. We just have to hope that she will conquer that fear." Syd's forehead wrinkles. She looks solemn. Then she asks, with a little voice, trembling like a feather "Mommies have fears too?" It feels good to laugh. But Sonny doesn't give up. Is he talking to her or to me? " The thing, is, Sydney, she will need to make an effort to get over that fear and it will take time, so in the meantime, you should give Will extra love."

* * *

They're asleep in each other's arms. I cover them with a blanket. Then I make some coffee for me. I hear everyone coming home. Marlena and Mom are arguing. "You don't _have_ to stay, Adrienne. We can deal on our own." "It's not that, Marlena, I understand and I want to help, Will, I really do, but I have to think about Sonny. I don't think it's good for him to be here. He's young and..." And, I finish in my head, you're afraid I'll get attached to Will. Well, it's too late. It was too late the moment I first saw him. I'll have to fight her, stop her treating me like a child. I'll do it for Will. His recovery is more important than her need to feel she's being a good parent. She has been. She is. But I'm strong enough and he isn't, not yet.

I don't want to deal with them now. I walk out in the night. The stars are switched on. I lean back against the back door and take a moment to breathe the cold air and lose myself in the bright canvas that the sky has woven. I think about Will. I don't want him to feel like he is a spider. But I can't go inside his head and turn the wheels the way I want them to. It's his path. I can only be there to be sure he doesn't fall again.


	7. Chapter 7

There's a storm outside and the stars have hidden. Only remains the faded light of the one that I'm protecting. He's back in his bed and he looks too small, abandoned by the heavens, so alone. I'm here but he doesn't know. My heart is beating fast somewhere beneath his hand. I don't move, his touch is ethereal. He's asleep and his arm is stretched outside the bed, searching me, searching my warmth. I don't move and I'm hurting. How will I go on? The lightning bolt's deafening screech splits me in two and I'm letting go.

He's tossing and turning, the clamor is waking him up. I hold his hand, like a precious pearl in the valves of my palms. His eyes are open but does he see me? Does he know I cry for him and for me? He takes his arm back, he's looking around. I brush his hair and it's humid. The dreams he's fighting are making him sweat. He's mumbling. I lean and I hear "Dad?"

* * *

"He's not there, yet. It's too early. Go back to sleep." His voice is broken, the shells are falling on the mattress. He was holding my hand and I was afraid, I couldn't bear the swelling of my heart. But I hold it again, I touch his cheek and they're wet. He's so strong and now he's not. I yield. I can't weaken him.

I sit as straight as I can. His eyes are opaque, curtained by the tears that I have caused. "Go away." He's frowning and I know why. He doesn't understand yet. I have to be strong. For a few minutes. For the eternity of being near him and never more. "It's OK, Will, I'll sleep later. Go back to sleep." No. No. "Go away. Leave." "It's OK Will. I'll stay. Lie back."

I will never heal. I'll walk my life limping from the lack of him but I owe him that. Somewhere in me, I find the tone. It's icy like the raindrops of the winter's storm. The words line in my head and I regret them already. I look away, his face is too soft and his eyes are piercing my soul again. He must not know. "Leave this house, Sonny. I don't need you. Leave with your parents. I need my own family." The tumult in my head is louder than the noise of the thunder outside. I will be deaf with grief and he'll be free. From me and my illness. From my barren soul.

* * *

He's the one in need and I'm hurting. So much. I've failed him. He's locking himself in his tower of grief and I've lost the key. I can't fight, he's too weak. His body is a rock and the waves of my devotion are crashing around. I have to agree and I can't do it. Our fathers are coming in a few hours. Where will he be then? Lost in silence and loneliness or surrounded by maddening uproar? If I go now, he'll sink. He was getting better. I was reaching to him.

I've lost. I reach for his hand for the last time. It's a trembling mouse under the covers. I press and I say without words my sorrow and my affection. I stand up and take a step and two and look at the bed. He's waiting, still uptight. He won't rest unless I obey. He's stronger than I thought. I walk on, stretching that link we shared until it snaps.

If his father doesn't protect him, I'll kill him.

* * *

He's gone and I'm alone. My chest is hurting. I yell with the wind, so they don't hear me. He was flirting with me, maybe, and now I've lost him. The hours are so long. The sun never comes. Are every night unending? Has time stopped?

I have no water left. My eyes are itching and arid. But I still have to get up. The bathroom is so far. I'm so tired. I'm whining. "Sonny..."

The sink is cold. It's invading my bones. I hear my sister laugh around me. She was in my arms and the world made sense. What was I dreaming? Why did it make me reject him? Now I am the child and the noise is scaring me.

The fireplace is empty and cold, like me. I've taken all the covers and I'm crouched on the couch, looking at the seconds as they pass by me. I thought I could do it but I need him. I need his strength, I need his smile and his bright words. I need an armor and I can't build it. The clock is broken. He left ages ago. Not fifteen mere minutes. I close my eyes and I'm back on the beach. The storm is the same, the hurt is still there. And I see him, as I passed him on the cliffs. I didn't notice but he was there. And he stopped and looked at me. Is it too late? Can I ask him again? Am I worth it?

I need to sleep but if I do I'll miss him and he'll be gone. I don't know where he sleeps. I need to stay awake. I'll make some coffee.

The cup falls and breaks in the kitchen sink. My hand is shaking. The coffee machine makes a hissing noise that echoes in my skull. It's stopped, thankfully. I take a glass, it will do. I need to stay awake, I need to talk to him, repair the trust we had. The night has confused me.

I look down and there's a cup. It's smoking. I didn't fill it. There are lips on my temple and a whisper "I'm here."

I don't drink the coffee. I fall asleep in his arms on the couch. I've told him "Don't go, don't leave me. Never go." and he's answered "I can't."


	8. Chapter 8

My head is burning. My chest is burning. I'm suffocating from the heat. I yank the covers and they slide on the floor. But I'm still against something warm. Someone. I look on the side. Sonny has quiet eyes. His lips are tranquil and slightly upturned and this serene smile is brushing my clouds away, revealing a clear sky, the same one I can see through the window. The fire is burning strong, a few feet away and as much as I love being in Sonny's arms, I need to go somewhere cooler. But I can't take him with me. We don't talk, we just look at each other and all makes sense. I belong there, in these arms, wrapped around me, bringing me solace. I'll bear the fire, I'll stay there on the couch as long as he does.

* * *

The wood has an ancient smell. He's awake and he hasn't stood up. His eyes aren't empty anymore. They are trembling with unsaid longing. The couch is our quiet tiny mountain, away from whatever might hurt him, a refuge for us only. The year is ending and I have lost my freedom, I have been tamed. The other mountains will stay untouched. I have found him, my survivor, my second heart and his journey will be mine, forever.

Somewhere, in the house, someone is cooking. The noises are soft and repetitive. I hear kids shouting and running. Was he like them? Innocent and happy? Or was he born fragile, already, emotions on the verge of his lips, his heart too big for his chest?

We don't move and the world is turning around us. I am the one in need now. Of his trust, of his secrets. Of all that's hidden in his head, the beautiful and the colorful, the dark and the gloom. I want to know him. So I lean and my lips press on his skin, softly. I kiss his forehead, not to frighten him. He closes his eyelashes, he sighs.

"What is going on! Who is that? You let his boyfriend follow him here! Get out of my son this instant!" The man's voice is loud. His gestures are loud too. He catches my shirt and I let him. I hear his fear and his sorrow underneath the hard tone. He's like Will, he's loving too much and he doesn't know me. "Lucas, let him go. He's my son. He was comforting him. He's the one who saved him."

* * *

I'm still on the couch and it's sinking. Sonny's kiss has wings that lifted us in the sky and now I'm alone. Surrounded by people who care. They're arguing, they're explaining and I want quiet. I get up. I go to my room.

The coat is too big and the boots are thin. There were my step-grandfather's, the one that broke Marlena's heart. The one who took away her strength, along with her soul. I open the little door by the woodshed and I step out. It's the first time I'm outside again. The landscape is unreal and breathtaking. The sound of the waves is friendly and timid. I walk up the road, to the top. Maybe they'll stop shouting, maybe, they'll notice. I don't care.

The clouds are back and it drizzles. The droplets run down my exposed neck. I put the hood up and it's too big, I can't see. I go faster, I can hear the voice of the sea, calling me. When I've almost reached the edge of the cliff, I look around and I see it.

I climb till I'm up in the sky and I take a step. The world is around me, endless, all in blue and grey. I'm calm. I'm on my own now, but I can cope. I feel the kiss on my skin still. I wanted to give one back, but my father was there. He didn't even talk to me. He lost himself in his anger and he forgot that's it's the problem. I will be kissed. By men. And no kiss will feel ever as profound and shattering than the ones I've just received. He won't know, he'll go away, kicked out by my dad or lured by more happy and tempting stuff. Other men who won't be broken. I belong to him and he doesn't know how much, or for how long.

* * *

"Will, Will? Where are you?" The sea doesn't answer. The rocks are silent. I have to find him. I have to tell him that his dad understands, that he's calmed down. We've talked and he promised so I went to Will's bed, to bring him back and he wasn't there. He was nowhere. The worry is too strong, my legs are betraying me. I follow the road, looking around the desolate plateau. Beneath, there's the sea, awaiting his sacrifice and I run again. The lighthouse is blocking my view. I go round it and I reach the end, the pit of my dreams newly formed. I hear his voice, loud and clear, from above.

"Sonny, look up! I'm here, I'm fine! Come, join me, the view is so beautiful!" He's standing on the lighthouse platform, fifty feet from me. My heart overflows.

* * *

I hear his pace and I turn. He's gorgeous. I look away again and I point, anywhere, so he won't know how shaken I am to be near him. He had brought me calm this morning, now he's tearing my soul in two. He has something in his hand. He opens it. The umbrella is large and he comes nearer so that it protects us both.

He says words and I don't hear them. Until he says "Dad" and now I do. He's waiting for me. He thinks we should stay, be a part of the new year celebration and also talk things out. He's told Sonny. He's waiting. I look at the sea again, to forget Sonny's mouth, how it moves when he talks. The sun is piercing the clouds, there's a ray of light and it's a sign. I'll go. I used to be afraid of heights, but now I'm afraid of me, of these feelings in my blood, of those urges to jump in his arms and steal his breath.

He takes my hand as we go down the stairs. The rain has stopped and I take off my hood. He smiles. The road isn't lonely anymore. Somewhere, somehow, I've become a person again. I'll survive.


	9. Chapter 9

My dad is there. Ready to apologize. But he has failed once and now I see him differently. He has lost my loyalty. From now on, I'll question his words, always. I know he can be hurtful, I know he can be wrong. And it hurts. The ground has been swept from under my feet and I'm on my own, in front of that stranger I know so well and so little. Sonny has gone to the kitchen, leaving me with the sensation of his hand in mine and amongst the doubts and the fears, there is that little certainty, this anchor, linking me to my reality.

"I'm so sorry, Will, for reacting so badly." "When? Today or when I told you I was gay?" He looks hurt. No, dad, you're not allowed to be, I'm the one in pain. I'm the one who jumped towards the forgiveness of the sea. With all her loudness and dangers, she was more welcoming than my own parents. I try and tell him that, express how much I needed him then and now, it's going to take me so much time to trust him again. His eyes are stupid, I want to shove him, I want him to hug me and swears everything will be all right. He doesn't know, he doesn't understand. I thought he would save me, repair me and he can't, he's as lost and as small as I am. He came here, he wants to help, but he'll have to make one more step. The mistletoe is hanging. I walk to it and I call Sonny.

* * *

He didn't jump this time. He conquered his fears. He stood tall and beautiful against the hell that is life and in it, he found the heavens. Now, I know he can face his father and win. I've left him near the chimney, so that its warmth can replace mine a little. I sit and Marlena brings me some toasts and coffee. She's still tensed so I tell her about this morning, how I didn't find Will but he found me, and now there is hope. "I'll talk to him later. I haven't tried, yet, not really. I was broken too, I think... Since my husband left, I have become a shadow, I have forgotten Will and his needs." I put my toast down "It's far from being too late. He has that energy in him, that purity that will drive him." She smiles. She opens her mouth but Will is calling me and I have to go.

He's in the hallway, now, but he's taken the fire with him and it's burning in his eyes. His father is far from him, almost out of the window, he's afraid of his son. I calmed him down earlier but it wasn't enough. Will doesn't look at me but he takes my hand. I feel it tremble and he sighs but he's still angry. He points his finger upward and murmurs "Please." He shouts "It's tradition, dad!" and he kisses me. On the lips. And this time, I'm the one who is lost at sea. It's too short and it's too angry but under the dare, I feel his gratitude and his trust. "If you can't stand seeing that, dad, you'd better go. Because that's my future. That's my chance to be happy. With or without a father in my life."

* * *

Are they mad? I need dad to be, so that it shakes his disgust, so that he fights his fears. But if Sonny is upset, then I've lost after all. I let him go and I walk out. I sit on the cold ground, near the road. I can hear my brother and sisters, playing on the beach, far from me, in a world made of innocence and grace of which I'm no longer a part of. I hear a door and now the wrong person will come out. If it's Sonny, then I'm an orphan. If it's dad, then I'll have burnt another soul and made my heart a desolate landscape.

But it's neither and I smile like the little kid I once was. My grandmother has sat next to me and her face is clear and clement. "My boy, I have forsaken you." "No, grandma, you were there all along. I had to walk the last steps on my own. I failed and I'm sorry, but now I've just kissed a man and this time it felt so wonderful." "Tell me more..."And we talk. About Sonny, the gem I found, in the depth of my despair, about my dad. But not about her. Not until she comes back. If she ever does.

* * *

I'm his. When he calls me, I'll come, if he puts me aside, I'll stay down. But if he wants, I'll offer him the world. I walk to the beach. Lucas is talking with EJ. My father has taken mom out with him earlier, thankfully. I see a kite dancing in front of the grey rocks, so small and so free. The children are drawing patterns of happiness on the sand. They're taming the wind, riding it with the red and green dragon, leaping and flapping in the sky. Johnny sees me and calls the others. He's racing inside. The girls sit me down and grin at me. Their giggling is contagious. The love I carry feels lighter. Johnny rushes back, he's holding a box.

"We wanted to thank you for saving our brother. We heard dad say it and we thought we could give you a Christmas present even if it's not too late? Will you take it?"


	10. Chapter 10

"That's rich, EJ! You giving me fathering lessons!" "Of course! Because the fact that I fought with my own wife, for the sake for _your_ son means nothing! He jumped, Lucas. He actually did, it wasn't just a threat. You have to choose, now between having a gay son or no son at all. He may try again or he may leave. I don't want Samantha to lose a son. I don't want Will to suffer uselessly!" "I do accept him now! I just don't want to see him kiss a man! I have my sensitivity too!" "So your daughter will be allowed to kiss in public but not Will?" I'm standing in the doorway. They are barking their rightfulness at each other and I want them to stop. I yell. They turn their head at the same time. In their eyes, I can see the caring but also the competition. The need to control. "Dad, I need to talk to you, now. And thank you EJ, for your support, but can you take a step back for a moment?"

While I talk with dad, I can see the beach through the window. The children are still out there. I'm taking so much room. Their holidays are ruined, so are Sonny's. I have to make peace. For the New Year, for the party, for my family, for me. So I ask dad "Do you think I'm still your son?" I can' t pronounce the world. Love.

* * *

I walk back in with the kids. Is he still behind the house? Allie shouts "Dad!" and runs inside. I go to the kitchen. EJ takes his children in his arms and says "When you're grown-ups, you can love whoever you want. I'll still love you, you know that?" Johnny says "I love mommy!" In the jubilant atmosphere, I hear my name. It's a whisper but it echoes in my skull. I walk to the couch. Will is lying on it. His father is standing by the fire, his hand on the mantle. His breathing is heavy. "It's OK, you two can date. I'll manage." I didn't expect that. I wait for Will to explain he was just making a point. The silence is vociferous. Will's face is rigid with fear. What did he tell his dad exactly?

* * *

It slipped out my mouth earlier. Now they both now how I feel and I'm powerless against the tide of my life, bringing in someone, taking away another, on and on. Sonny's eyes are closed. I'll lose him, the melody that he brought in my heart. I can't look away. I feel like on a train heading for a crash, unable to jump.

He's looking at dad, not at me. He's so beautiful, I don't want to listen to his kind words. I don't want to see his kind smile, that is not really for me. I lay my head and on the ceiling, there's a spider's web. The sun beam from the windows is passing through it, making it shine with tiny little diamonds of light. I remember what he said about spiders. About me being sweet.

"Thank you Lucas. I intend to do that. If Will wants me, that is." My chest is open and overflowing. I can't move. I want to cry. His voice is different and doubtful. He doesn't know he has saved me from despair and now I will only die to save him.

"Sonny, why are you still there? You should be packing! We're leaving soon." Of course. She's his mother and she knows I'm broken. She won't want me with him. She'll fight. I can't do that to him. "Go do that, Sonny. I don't want to make you waste your time. You don't have to be so nice for me. I'll explain dad what it really is."

* * *

I'm in my bedroom, my bag is open and I can't fill it. There's one shirt in it. The one I wore when I found him. When my heart betrayed me. He doesn't want me. He's just grateful... I'm not crying. I take the bag and throw it on the wall. It falls on the planks in a smooth heap.

"You don't have to leave you know." I turn to dad. He looks tired. "It's hard, dad. I thought I was helping him and now I want him in my life but he isn't ready. Or maybe he'll never like me, not like that." "I've talked to your mother, Son. I told her that if you chose to stay, I would too. You need Will as much as he needs you." And I remember. How strong he was that night. He pushed me away, told me to go and he's doing it again. "Thanks dad, I'll stay. Can you help me with something?"

* * *

"I love you Will. I'm sorry I reacted that way." "It's OK, dad. I needed to know that." He's hugging me and I'm not better. His cell is ringing. "Sorry Will, it's very important I take this. I'll be back soon."

Syd has taken her toy xylophone. I can hear her playing from here. She's gotten good at it. And always hitting the same note. I follow the sound outside. She isn't there. There is no instrument either. Just a wind chime hanging from the porch. The notes it's making are clear as water. They speak of hope and beauty. The metal shimmers and I can see him a few feet away. He's holding his hand "You want to go for a walk, Will? There's something I need to you to know."


	11. Chapter 11

I take his hand in mine. It nests in my palm, trusting me in its tactile way. I rub the back longingly. We start walking, two souls on the edge of merging, afraid and yet fearless when together. He kicks some pebbles on the way to the beach. His eyes are clouded and he walks erratically. His breath comes from unknown inner precipices, echoing deep struggles. I have to reach past those, let him know his worth.

I sit on a rock. The seaweeds are wetting my pants but that way I can see his eyes, beneath his ruffled hair. They're shining.

"Will, I needed to tell you... We've grown very close. But I do not know you. I would like to." His mouth opens, slightly. His throat moves beautifully. Now that he's whole again, I can see past the intensity, past the pain and there are clear skies in him, a purity that I've never seen in a grown-up before.

* * *

He was serious with my dad before. He does want to spend time with me, not just to help. I inhale all the oxygen around me, all the energy that I had lost and that he's giving me back. I don't know if I'll stutter but I have to answer. "You really want to? I am damaged you know, so very much."

He presses my hand, kindly. "I've seen you fight, Will, I've seen your strength. I believe in you. I cannot step away, I couldn't live with myself." There's a thunder in his voice, louder than the one that rocked the sea, and a softness that I can't, that I won't resist. I nod. His eyes are hooking on mine and time stops passing.

My body moves slowly. My head thinks slowly. My knee touch the sand. Slowly, I lean to his face. Slowly. But I cannot do it. I can't escape the shackle that grips my heart. The only strength I have left allows for one small thing. A whisper. "Spend the New year with me? Please?" His smile is the foundation for my new existence, one where I will be accepted, one where I will love.

"Sonny, Will, I need to go and buy a few last things. You want to come with me? I could use the help and the company!" I'm inches from his lips and we both turn to the road. Marlena is waving. She's helping me get back to reality again. I look at Sonny. He nods. And I decide to be bold. I don't let go of his hand, even when we walk past my dad, seated in the front porch. I have chosen freedom, I have chosen Sonny.

* * *

The town is far and Marlena is quiet. We've sat at the back, his warmth close to my heart, his head on my shoulder. My lips are burning from the kiss I almost received. We haven't talked much. I don't know how to tell him what's in my heart. I want to know how he feels.

We help pick up the groceries. Will goes to fetch some candles "I wanted to decorate the place as brightly as we could. Make the night special. I would love for you both to help me. You will be staying Sonny, won't you?" "Yes, thank you Marlena. I hope you'll be OK with me and Will dating?" "I don't have to be, you know. It's his decision, he's an adult and I respect that." I would have liked another answer but it will do. We reach the register and she murmurs just before Will comes back "In fact, I am delighted, Sonny. I hope things will work between you. You're a very compassionate young man." Will puts the colored little glasses down, along with cereal boxes. Marlena's face lighten. She pushes Will's arm, teasingly "Are you planning to eat those tonight?" Will looks at me briefly then replies "Yep. I've decided to do things that will make me happy, no matter what other people think. If you ask me very nicely, grandma, I might share my snacks."

The porch is silent when we come back. I see mom holding the chime, frowning. "Mom, what are you doing?" "Oh, I just wonder where this came from, it's new. Don't you think it's too loud?" "No, mom, it's mine. It's a gift from Sami's kids. I like its sound, I'd like for everyone here to enjoy it too. Put it back, please." "Oh, come on, Sonny, don't be childish. I'm not sure Marlena agrees with that." "I do, actually, Adrienne. It's beautiful and it adds to the celebration mood I'd like to set up. Come in, why don't you help me cook? The boys can decorate." Mom looks up sharply but she smiles at her host and follows her.

* * *

"Your mother doesn't like me." He presses his lips. I wish he would deny it but I know better. Is she right or is he? I put two candles over the fireplace. One is white, the other is red. Sonny takes some flowers my grandma gave him and places them on the coffee table. He moves slowly and perfectly. He sits on the couch, the one that has welcomed us so many times and pats next to him. When I join, he says "She doesn't understand who you are. She thinks I should choose someone different. She's wrong. But it'll take time for her to change her mind. I'll need your forgiveness in the meantime. I'll need you to still give me a chance." I close my eyes and I kiss him. Finally.


	12. Chapter 12

His lips dance on mine, soft as the moonlight, but he has stolen the sunshine's heat to share it with me. The feelings that rise inside me are inflating me like a balloon. I am not the strongest one anymore, I can only receive, gratefully, letting him write his demure passion with his tongue as it caresses my mouth. He is so hesitant and trembling. Doesn't he know he's taking control of me? Doesn't he feel the weight of my heart in his delicate hands? He stops too soon and I can feel the hole he's carved in my soul, that only his touch can fill now.

* * *

He is a shivering leaf under my lips, accepting and yet to respectful he barely moves. I want him to be less protective and a little more aggressive, but I know, as it is etched in my body too, that what he witnessed before, the desolation, the pain that I went through, are still fresh in his mind. I sit back, his hand trapped in mine, that I will keep against the world and I look at this stranger that I want as mine.

He's like a puzzle and I only have few pieces in my fingers. His loyalty, his kindness, his assertive manners. But I need more, I need to know what he dreams at night and what his eyes have beheld. I have tasted him but now I need much more. I need to ask him questions.

* * *

The world of business swarms around us, peopled with children zooming in and out, and efficient parents preparing the celebrations. And here we are, in the center, safe in a castle of water, in an abode created by our joint stares. We are seated as mirrors, legs crossed underneath, talking as fast as we can, in turns, fastening the bond that our bodies and hearts have created. The more we do, the more I'm amazed. He has so much to share, he is so rich inside. How could he ever had doubted himself? How could he have wanted to deny the world all what he is? I was so close never to know, never to find out, only to grieve. I feel like the guardian of a treasure, of ocean eyes and musical thoughts. I feel humbled by his enthusiasm. He quizzes me on the trips I took and I want to go back and show him all, see him feed on the world's wonders, repair his confidence by expanding his view. I feel greedy of time with him. His eyes are opening wide at what I'm telling. His hand presses my knee, gently, reminding us that this is not two friends emerging, but a sole identity, part me, part him, stronger that both of us, in which we'll find shelter.

Lucas sits on the armchair, with a bowl of chips. Will sees him first and turns to him, slowly. His father looks embarrassed but smiling "So, Sonny, are you a student like Will?" I can feel the relief washing over Will, as it ripples through me too. We've won another parent. Now the mothers are left and they're the fiercest. Yet, with Will next to me, I'm confident.

* * *

We're asked to help and Sonny has to join in the kitchen. According to his dad, he's the best at cooking. I grab Marlena's arm and I don't let go until she's made me busy too. I'm back at her car, to look for something that must have slid at the back of the trunk. I'm bent over, my hand exploring and I've just found it when I hear "You'll take him down. He doesn't deserve it. He's a happy, bright young man and you're fighting your own life. How can you think this could work?"

If I hadn't pushed him back, twice already, I might have listened, I might have doubted. I stand up straight and I look straight into her eyes. There's something of him in here. She created him, she cared after him. I'm grateful. And angry "Adrienne, I care for Sonny. I don't know him well enough to be sure of anything but for one thing: I won't hurt him. I can't, I owe him too much. But right now, if I left, if I tried to heal on my own without his help, then he would be hurt, horribly. He's my reason to check myself, to make efforts, to be extra careful. Thanks to you, he exists and I won't put that in jeopardy in any way. I'm sad you don't see that but I understand." Her smile is shallow but it's still there, so for now I have made my point.

* * *

He brings back the lost can of olives. His steps are lighter, faster. His voice is louder, I can hear it from where I'm seated and it feels good. It's still soft as velvet, the music that he loves so much peering into it, turning his simple words to his grandmother into a ballad. I'm yearning to kiss him but he's gone again, to take back the kids. They all come in the house, bringing the smells of the sea and the laughs they gathered there. Will looks younger and I remember that he's not my age, that I must be cautious in handling him, let him unfold slowly, into the beautiful, smiling adult that I can see in him. Our eyes meet and the smile gets wide and transparent, real and ethereal, as spontaneous as the old ones were forced and hollow. I have won this authenticity and I'm proud.


End file.
